5 Tips to Making Friends When Moving

“But, do you know anyone in Ethiopia?” “Aren’t you going to be lonely moving where you don’t know anyone?” “How will you make friends?”

Those were only SOME of the questions I would be asked before I left for Addis when the topic of friends came up. Even my friends from home were concerned about how I would meet people or how I would even have a social life once I arrived here. Well needless to say, I’ve met some amazing people over the last 3 months and I’m so thankful to have met them. One thing to note about me, when you become friends with me, I’m your friend for life. Even if we haven’t talked for years, if I receive a call from you, I will always be there for you. Friendship is a virtue and a privilege, and I treat it as such.

 

When I first started college, I was so anxious about making friends and  eager to create a social circle that was similar to my incredible one from back home. I was so fortunate to have a strong friendship group all throughout middle and high school, that I struggled to find the same sense of bond in college. In the end, I ended up with a few amazing people to share the struggles of college life with. I met them through classes, dorm room craziness, and studying abroad in Paris. However, when entering college, I never received questions from friends and family about HOW I would make friends or where I would meet people. It was just assumed I would. The same was to be said for when I moved to Paris to study abroad, even though I did have 2 college friends who joined me in Paris, although they did not attend the same school.

So, when I constantly was asked this question, my simple answer was, “I’ll figure it out”. If you’re thinking about moving abroad, you might be thinking the same thing, “How will I make friends?” Well I’m here to tell you, YOU’LL FIGURE IT OUT. Here are five tips to do exactly that.

1. Be open to conversation with everyone and anyone. When someone new enters a workplace or area, people want to know you. I was grateful enough for some of my coworkers ask me out for coffee one day and then another friend asked if I wanted to come to her birthday party where I met lots of other people. Being open also means answering questions that might be awkward, as long as you don’t find them too invasive, because most of the times they are trying to figure you out just like you are them.
2. Smile at everyone, even the ones who are making you feel uncomfortable or those who shout at you on the street. By smiling, more people will approach and start a conversation. This is most important during work, in my opinion, because work is where you spend most hours of your day and if you have a negative energy about you, people will be less willing to get to know you.
3. Joining Facebook Groups is another thing I did before I left America. I went on Facebook to find some groups in the area I would be living. In my case, I found a Facebook group called “What’s happening in Addis Ababa”, where different events around the city are posted. I also joined a group called “Girls LOVE travel”, a group which has connected me to other people who are living/ have visited/ lived in Addis or Ethiopia and have given me some amazing advice on things to see or do during my time here.
4. Say YES to everything and by doing so, you won’t second guess all the things that can go wrong in the process. If I had said no to going to my friends’ birthday party, I never would have created the friendship. This friend in particular has invited me to amazing parties in areas of Addis where I’m normally the only “ferenji” (Amharic for foreigner) and to her family home for a true cultural and loving experience. If you move abroad, you will want to have experiences like that, I promise.
5. Be respectful and mindful of the cultural when talking to others. Even in the US or in your own country, some places have a different culture. For example, the New York/ New Jersey work environments and pace are A LOT different than the more chilled out pace of Seattle or Portland. Even though this should go without saying, I’ve seen many foreigners come into countries and assuming that the local will accommodate to them. Heads up: it doesn’t happen like that. You’re a guest in their country and as foreigners, we should act like it and be grateful we get to create a new life in their home. If you are grateful, it will show, and the locals will want to be more accommodating to you. Especially in Ethiopia, where they would give you the shirt off their backs for you if you needed it.

Although everyone is different, and some people are used to having less friends around than others, everyone needs some type of support system. When you move finding people to be that support system when you’re out of your comfort zone becomes more important. It is easy to feel lonely in a new place, especially if it is a new country with a language, cultural, and social norms that are so vastly different than home (as in my case where I did speak one word of Amharic before boarding my flight, which I do not recommend). By keeping these tips in the back of your head, it can be easier to create friendships. They might not be lifelong friends and maybe they are just people you hang out with on the weekends, but it will make the move feel less lonely. For me, these new-found friends have shown me places I could never find in my Ethiopia guide or share memories of my first time exploring the Ethiopian countryside or showing me how to take public transportation, so I don’t pay 300 Birr every time I want to go out.

 Moving abroad comes with so many challenges and when my family and friends are thousands of miles away in America, it is so comforting to know I have them. If I am missing people from home or having a hard day at work, I know I can just get a cup of coffee and vent to them. Ethiopians are the most kind-hearted people and will always be there for you no matter what. I’m not sure what the future hold for these friendships, and I’m sure there will be ups and downs over the next year, but I’m grateful they are my becoming my family here and I cherish them all.

Stay Wandering,

Cynthia